writing music

so i've been writing/demoing/recording a record.

things like this are very foreign to me.

i made a record many moons ago. it was ok. not bad for a guy who didn't know what the heck he was doing.

this one? i don't know yet. i'm my own worst critic. thankfully i've surrounded myself with people who tell me the truth. they tell me it is sounding good so far and to keep working at it.

the song "tomorrow" seems to be the anchor of the record thus far. of the two songs played live, it gets a huge response each time.

only time will tell but i'm very excited to get this record done and in your hands.

keep you posted on the progress...

trace out.

the pain...

so i pinched a nerve in my arm. should be simple right? just take it easy, etc. well found out that is not as easy as it seems.

i had to lead worship this past sunday in excruciating pain. i took a ton of pills and just hoped for the best and you know what....

God showed up. despite the pain i got through it. more than got through it. the people in the community are now worshiping with their hearts and with their voices more than ever before at e3. it's quite humbling to have played a small part in that.

so God, thank you for showing up and being bigger than my mess.....

a quick a.d.d. post

so in the habit of updating weekly here goes.....

this week was good but busy....

i saw a 3d horror movie (hilarious not scary)
i read the divine conspiracy again
worked at frying chicken
worked at e3 (my passion)
got aggrevated at comcast and their inability to even process a simple business request
watched two washington caps' games
pooped (if you know my medical issues you know this is a big win!)
and prepared to lead worship this sunday....

leading worship is becoming this strange thing for me now. the more i do it the dumber i feel. not because i can't play music or lead people but because the more i journey in my relationship with God the more i realize i know nothing about Him. it's always changing, always morphing. i've had to learn that rather than chase after Him i need to cling to Him and hang on for dear life because if i chase Him i'll never catch up. i just have to jump in and cling and pray that where we are going is where i am supposed to be....

a thought......

so i've parked myself in the book of haggai recently. there is a lot to learn from this book despite its size. to sum it up and make my point.....

the people of israel are living in jerusalem after the destruction. God wanted them to re-build the temple and they didn't do it. they built these pretty houses for themselves, they didn't make sacrifices, they were basically living by how they felt. well, stuff started going wrong. there was famine and all the other old testement regulars. so God sends haggai to tell the people that they need to stop screwing around and re-build the temple. the people repent. and all is well...almost....

that's the basic summary. seems like a simple little story....well not quite....

the people were hesitant to follow through on what God wanted them to do. they did what they wanted and became lazy and wasteful. they proclaimed with their lips they loved God but their lives said otherwise.

this penetrated my heart because it is the current state of the american church. we talk about being on fire but our lives exist in a bubble. we think we have a choice when it comes to being obedient and in a sense we do but when we don't....things fall apart..life becomes....

chaos

white noise

we think that by believing our lives will be perfect and that's all there is to it. the book of haggai uses this phrase and only this phrase "God will be with you". he didn't say the famine would end. he didn't say things are going to get better...He said..."I am with you."

the truth is God doesn't promise us anything in His covenant other than that. He sent Jesus.

is the american church really willing to let that be enough? no matter what. there are no guarentees on anything else. just Him. are we willing to let Jesus be enough. no promise of marraige. no promise of a job. just Him.

are we really ready?

am i.....

ready?

2008...What I Learned......

in 2008 i learned......

i can graduate college

sometimes you just can't make it on your own

God has something crazy planned for me

i have to start taking risks, chances, or i'm going to have other regrets

that i can lead worship better than i did a year ago

i may be down but i will rise; it may be dark but God is light

sometimes you have to faith and make decisions that most people think are crazy to honor God which is most important and always works out despite the odds

you can melt jello in the microwave

that i miss my beard

i would eventually like to move to a larger city

fighting for joy is much harder than fighting for happiness

irritable bowel syndrome is nothing to joke about

i love hockey...the washington caps to be precise

the washington redskins my suck this year...but it will come back around...eventually

that i still have a long way to go on this crazy journey called life

here's to 2009 and the curves it will throw.......

tomorrow.....

not even a week ago i lost my grandmother to cancer. the crazy thing is i'm not sad about it. i'm overjoyed because she is with Jesus. she is no longer suffering, no longer clouded by her alzheimer's that had clouded her mind, and finally running again.

i had been working on a song in her memory for the better part of 3 months. it's been finished for about 3 weeks with one exception...the bridge. no matter what happened or what i wrote nothing made sense...until after her funeral this tuesday. my mom and i were able to talk and she told me the last days of my grandmother's life.

her alzheimer's had gotten to a point where she would get everything confused and didn't know half of what was going on. in a show of God's amazing blessings, my grandmother had a night of clarity. the tuesday before she died she was sitting down to eat dinner with my mom and my aunt (her other daughter) and she said she wanted to pray. my grandmother is a christian and has been for a long time but outward show of prayer has never been her thing and furthermore, since the alzheimer's kicked in it has lessened. my mom and her sister closed their eyes and my grandmother in a rare moment of clarity prayed for each one of her children, grandchildren, and the people whose lives matter to them. that they would be comforted because her time was near and that they shouldn't be sad because she was finally about to free.

that night my grandmother went to bed and never really regained conciousness. her final act as my grandmother, as my sister and cousin's grandmother, as a mother, and as aunt ethyl was to pray for her family. that touched me beyond measure and after hearing that story....i finished the song......

E3's current series wrapped up this past sunday. the series has been called 'dangerous song'. it's been a journey through the Psalms and one that has touched the lives of many people in our community. each week we've had artists within our community write an original song based on a Psalm. wouldn't you know that i picked confession and the week i played my song was the week after my grandmother died.

in honor of my grandmother.....here is the lyrics for "tomorrow" by trace armstrong

Verse 1

standing on the edge
waiting for the axe to fall
i've run out of time
with nothing left to stall
i thought that this would be
the best day ever
instead i wish that we
could go together

Chorus

i can't believe tomorrow
has now become today
i don't know what to do
but i know i've got to change
all my yesterdays have gone and fade away
and all i have is today

Verse 2

this journey's been so long
i need to rest my weary head
i've walked a million miles
my journey's at an end
i don't know what's ahead
on this dark and stormy night
but i am not afraid
for the Lord will be my light

Chorus

Bridge

from the depth of my depravity
i thank You Lord You've set me free

Chorus

transition

so life is in transition right now.

i'm figuring who God made me and what my place is in this world in the short time i have.

this past week started a spiritual rebirth for me. i found something that helps me sleep and get the rest i need and the world seems clearer than it has in years.

i was able to have a great time friday and get to know someone new and enjoy that process without being nervous.

i was able to go to church today and love what i do again.

transition....painful it has been....rewarding...your dang right