tomorrow.....

not even a week ago i lost my grandmother to cancer. the crazy thing is i'm not sad about it. i'm overjoyed because she is with Jesus. she is no longer suffering, no longer clouded by her alzheimer's that had clouded her mind, and finally running again.

i had been working on a song in her memory for the better part of 3 months. it's been finished for about 3 weeks with one exception...the bridge. no matter what happened or what i wrote nothing made sense...until after her funeral this tuesday. my mom and i were able to talk and she told me the last days of my grandmother's life.

her alzheimer's had gotten to a point where she would get everything confused and didn't know half of what was going on. in a show of God's amazing blessings, my grandmother had a night of clarity. the tuesday before she died she was sitting down to eat dinner with my mom and my aunt (her other daughter) and she said she wanted to pray. my grandmother is a christian and has been for a long time but outward show of prayer has never been her thing and furthermore, since the alzheimer's kicked in it has lessened. my mom and her sister closed their eyes and my grandmother in a rare moment of clarity prayed for each one of her children, grandchildren, and the people whose lives matter to them. that they would be comforted because her time was near and that they shouldn't be sad because she was finally about to free.

that night my grandmother went to bed and never really regained conciousness. her final act as my grandmother, as my sister and cousin's grandmother, as a mother, and as aunt ethyl was to pray for her family. that touched me beyond measure and after hearing that story....i finished the song......

E3's current series wrapped up this past sunday. the series has been called 'dangerous song'. it's been a journey through the Psalms and one that has touched the lives of many people in our community. each week we've had artists within our community write an original song based on a Psalm. wouldn't you know that i picked confession and the week i played my song was the week after my grandmother died.

in honor of my grandmother.....here is the lyrics for "tomorrow" by trace armstrong

Verse 1

standing on the edge
waiting for the axe to fall
i've run out of time
with nothing left to stall
i thought that this would be
the best day ever
instead i wish that we
could go together

Chorus

i can't believe tomorrow
has now become today
i don't know what to do
but i know i've got to change
all my yesterdays have gone and fade away
and all i have is today

Verse 2

this journey's been so long
i need to rest my weary head
i've walked a million miles
my journey's at an end
i don't know what's ahead
on this dark and stormy night
but i am not afraid
for the Lord will be my light

Chorus

Bridge

from the depth of my depravity
i thank You Lord You've set me free

Chorus

transition

so life is in transition right now.

i'm figuring who God made me and what my place is in this world in the short time i have.

this past week started a spiritual rebirth for me. i found something that helps me sleep and get the rest i need and the world seems clearer than it has in years.

i was able to have a great time friday and get to know someone new and enjoy that process without being nervous.

i was able to go to church today and love what i do again.

transition....painful it has been....rewarding...your dang right

My Top 20 Movies

so here's the deal...i've been sick the past few days and when you're home sick there isn't much to do but sleep and watch movies. so in my haze i figured i would share my top 20 favorite movies. why 20 you ask? well i'm sick and bored....deal with it...you showed up here in my space (pun..oh yes!) and you can read what i write...ha!

20. The Empire Strikes Back - the sequel far surpasses the original...this movie is not only the best of all 6 Star Wars movies but has the original movie twist of Darth Vader being Luke's father...chilling.

19. Snakes on a Plane - a movie that is so horrible it's awesome! i mean you have samuel l. jackson and snakes on a plane...what isn't to be loved about this movie?

18. spiderman 2 - man...what an incredible movie...you can't not like this movie...tight story..great action..throw in the drama of peter parker and mary jane's relationship and you have a topnotch flick.

17. Boondock Saints - such a great movie....'nuff said

16. Fight Club - 1st rule of fight club is you don't talk about fight club

15. Miracle on 34th Street (the original) - still the best Christmas movie ever...and one that is a MUST WATCH every year for me.

14. Garden State - a movie with a great soundtrack and a post-modernistic view of discovering love and where your life is going and how sometimes taking chances is the best thing any of us can do.

13. The Jacket - a sci-fi love story that ends with a bang. having time travel part of it makes it that much better.

12. Apollo 13 - one of the first movies i remember as a 7 year old kid that was a drama and should have bored me to death and didnt.

11. Old School - comedic genius....pure genius...will ferrell in the scene with the petting zoo and tranquilizor darts cracks me up every time.

10. Chasing Amy - i love kevin smith and with another of his movies appearing higher up i'll leave the praise until then.

9. Clerks 2 - the raunchiest, funniest, but most heartwarming comedy ever made. kevin smith hit a home run with this movie...i mean please..it has a donkey show in it that goes awry..what's not to love?

8. Walk the Line - i love johnny cash and the portrayel in this movie is dead on. kudos to anyone with involvement in this motion picture.

7. Citizen Kane - and oldie but a goodie....peep it out if you're brave enough to watch a movie from the 40s.

6. Good Will Hunting - matty damon is awesome in this movie and robin williams turns in the best performance of his life. great writing and fully deserving of the oscar it won.

5. Batman: The Dark Knight - the best Batman movie....and the 2nd best comic book movie ever. heath ledger as the joker is a performance that no one who has seen it will ever forget because some people just like to watch the world burn.

4. Sin City - the best comic book movie ever. the story...acting.....and the cinematography make this not only a great comic movie but an achievement in film.

3. Bon Voyage Charlie Brown - this is my list and i love snoopy and i've watched this movie 1,000+ times and it entertains me everytime.

2. Seven - this movie is kick butt. full of suspense at every turn and an ending that will blow your mind.

1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - this movie proves one thing to me...besides the great performance, story, look, and feel....true love will survive if it's really meant to be...even if you erase your memory...

honorable mentions: dumb and dumber, the last kiss, saving private ryan, from dusk til dawn, independence day, the usual suspects, and pulp fiction

....

i've been busy. considering only 3 of you actually read this it comes to no surprise.

i can't help but feel frustrated by the current political landscape.

i came into this election season with an open mind. i've always been a staunch republican supporter but obama certainly had some appeal to him. however, i have now made up my mind but it's mainly a middle finger to the media and bloggers everywhere.

i am SICK TO DEATH of this onslaught of negative articles about john mccain. two years ago the media sang his praises for his willingness to work with people outside of his party and for being someone who could not be influenced and made up his own mind. fast forward to today and they all crucify him because he's running against a democrat.

i'm sick to death of the media pointing fingers and trying to influence elections with their crap. worse, i'm concerned because so many people buy into it.

so here's my question.....is it the media's fault that they are so hypocriticle or are we at fault for not calling them out on it?

pump up

music is basically my language. my mood determines my music most of the time but when i need that "pump me up" kind of music, certain songs really help push me into a good mood and get me going. so just because i'm at home, bored, and doing laundry i'm going to post some of them.

back in black - ac/dc
true love - phil wickham
bleeding - flickerstick
remedy - david crowder*band
marvelous light - charlie hall
overkill - colin hay
fringes - shane and shane
collide - fono
flood - jars of clay
bulls on parade - rage against the machine
tallahassee song - the twelfth chapter
selkies: the endless obcession - between the buried and me
these are the dead days - calhoun
chances - athlete
eleanor rigby - the beatles
dry the rain - the beta band
hard to handle - the black crowes
more than a feeling - boston
the night before life goes on - carrie underwood
all-american girl - carrie underwood
fight test - the flaming lips
shameless - garth brooks
this fire burns - killswitch engage
enter sandman - metallica
my weakness - moby
love and memories - o.a.r.
chocolate - snow patrol
interstate love song - stp
blinded - third eye blind
tool - forty-six and two
this lying world - unearth
one headlight - the wallflowers

comments? thoughts? snide remarks?

live from camp....

so i'm in gretna, florida leading worship for the love at work camp.

let me start off by saying i thought i was going to kind of coast through this week. site hop and be the cool worship leader guy. i was wrong.

i stayed at one site, a softball field and have worked every day. to see the kids at this site do things they would never have in their normal life is an awesome, humbling experience. i helped this little 100 pound girl get up on a flimsy ten foot roof and hammer in nails because i was too big for it to hold me. to say i was holding my breath she wouldn't die is an understatement.

worship started off lukewarm but by last night i finally felt i had found the groove. the kids as the week progressed got more and more into it. last night i picked out "jesus paid it all" and i could see the room transforming and celebrating the Savior and what He has done for us.

today we could see real progress on our construction project and i could see God at work in the heart of the kids. tonight they let it all hang out. i chilled back and sit on the edge of the stage where they couldn't see me well and just led. they sang and praised so loud that it gave me chills.

after the talk tonight, i came back to celebrate what was said with "the wonderful cross" and "jesus paid it all". the kids went for it. singing, weeping, celebrating, and it continued into group. rather than play on an emotional moment, we sent the kids to their groups and after group time, two kids said they wanted to accept the call of Christ for their lives and give it over to Him. we then went to the pool and baptized them on the spot.

to be a part of that moment reaffirms why i am in the ministry. to answer the call and guide the lost to the One who paid our debt and raised His life up from the dead.

it's been a while

yes it has. no good reason other than i have nothing to write about.

i still have no job....big surprise. all high school guidance counselors are lying when they say a college degree guarantees you a job.

i'm fine with this. not really. i need some money soon. i can survive a couple more months but after that serious questions will have to be answered.

i lead worship for a camp in a couple of weeks. totally excited about this. the chance to lead worship is something i do not take lightly and never have. the fact God gifted me to lead worship is a humbling and sometime scary thing. every chance i lead i always wonder how in the heck i'm going to do it then i remember something one my 3 mentors (JM) told me years ago.

God doesn't call the equipped, He equips those whom He calls.

the further i journey down the road of following Jesus, the more i have come to the conclusion that i believe it.