letting go of fear....

this is not an easy blog to write; and it's all your fault. all of you who read this one. i have to admit i am a fairly cynical person. since september i've been working for florida state's university housing here in tallahassee overnight at the dorms while completing my final year of college (a long story in itself). i've seen more and been witness to some truly horrible facts.

number one, there are a lot of people that live in these dorms that drink way too much. i've cleaned up a lot of puke this year and none of these kids seem to understand how empty it is getting drunk EVERY single weekend.

number two, there are a lot of girls who walk in at 4am with what little clothes they wore half hanging off and the dead give away of sex hair.

number three, a lot of college freshmen live their life by how they feel. they have no respect for authority or their friends or roomates for that matter.

you can see the dilemma because i have become quite cynical until recently. a good friend/mentor of mine named eric gave me the best advice i've ever heard. he said to me that he used to think like me in that there is no hope and this world is ugly. then one day someone told him that "cynicism is our reaction to something we are too afraid to do something about."

i'm trying not to be cynical anymore. instead, when the above situations occur i try and make sure i have the same reaction jesus would. i feel my heart break inside for them because evidentally no one has ever really loved them. they have no idea that there is a father who will never leave them, take advantage of them, or strip away their emotions and make them feel worthless. i ask them how they are doing and if they want to talk. no one has said yes yet but hopefully one day someone will. for now, all i can do is pray for them and pray for myself that i won't let that cynicism leak back into my consciousness.