the journey is hard...but the rewards are so worth it

so i've been doing this pastor thing since sept. of this year "officially". i've been stretched, tested, and seen amazing things.

God is alive and working but sometimes not in the ways we expect Him too.

these past few weeks have been very hard. i won't lie.

i've had to deal with a mentally disturbed person casting death threats...and i believed him. the look in his eyes told me he was serious. i had to deal with a good friend of mine having a break down. it was a long, hard night that translated into a long, hard next day.

however, what i've learned has been tremendous. God moves in the midst of it. He also requires steadfastness and faith in the face of adversity. there are times when i get tired and weary but my strength comes from the Lord.

i love my job.....but there has to be down time too.....sabbath...do it!

questions....

what am i doing here?

who am i doing it for?

am i ever going to find someone to marry...share the life...have kids?

i find myself asking these questions a lot lately. why? i am not sure.

this past week i received death threats because i had to have someone baker acted. he threatened to kill people. he got violent and threatened our admin assistant. that was scary. way scary. i had to call the cops and be the person in charge.

is this what a pastor really does? protect people from themselves when they get violent and threaten to kill people?

i wrestle with this.

i've been scared since friday night. my "friend" left town and i desperately want to tell them what happened. when i am around them i feel safe and that the world makes sense. what does this mean?

there are so many questions right now but few answers. i keep clinging to the song 'scenes'.

"i see you in every scene, i bet you are thinking about me. i have such a short memory but you keep reminding me of you".

Lord, i am trying so hard. yet, you seem so far away. are there answers in this web of confusion?

writing music

so i've been writing/demoing/recording a record.

things like this are very foreign to me.

i made a record many moons ago. it was ok. not bad for a guy who didn't know what the heck he was doing.

this one? i don't know yet. i'm my own worst critic. thankfully i've surrounded myself with people who tell me the truth. they tell me it is sounding good so far and to keep working at it.

the song "tomorrow" seems to be the anchor of the record thus far. of the two songs played live, it gets a huge response each time.

only time will tell but i'm very excited to get this record done and in your hands.

keep you posted on the progress...

trace out.

the pain...

so i pinched a nerve in my arm. should be simple right? just take it easy, etc. well found out that is not as easy as it seems.

i had to lead worship this past sunday in excruciating pain. i took a ton of pills and just hoped for the best and you know what....

God showed up. despite the pain i got through it. more than got through it. the people in the community are now worshiping with their hearts and with their voices more than ever before at e3. it's quite humbling to have played a small part in that.

so God, thank you for showing up and being bigger than my mess.....

a quick a.d.d. post

so in the habit of updating weekly here goes.....

this week was good but busy....

i saw a 3d horror movie (hilarious not scary)
i read the divine conspiracy again
worked at frying chicken
worked at e3 (my passion)
got aggrevated at comcast and their inability to even process a simple business request
watched two washington caps' games
pooped (if you know my medical issues you know this is a big win!)
and prepared to lead worship this sunday....

leading worship is becoming this strange thing for me now. the more i do it the dumber i feel. not because i can't play music or lead people but because the more i journey in my relationship with God the more i realize i know nothing about Him. it's always changing, always morphing. i've had to learn that rather than chase after Him i need to cling to Him and hang on for dear life because if i chase Him i'll never catch up. i just have to jump in and cling and pray that where we are going is where i am supposed to be....

a thought......

so i've parked myself in the book of haggai recently. there is a lot to learn from this book despite its size. to sum it up and make my point.....

the people of israel are living in jerusalem after the destruction. God wanted them to re-build the temple and they didn't do it. they built these pretty houses for themselves, they didn't make sacrifices, they were basically living by how they felt. well, stuff started going wrong. there was famine and all the other old testement regulars. so God sends haggai to tell the people that they need to stop screwing around and re-build the temple. the people repent. and all is well...almost....

that's the basic summary. seems like a simple little story....well not quite....

the people were hesitant to follow through on what God wanted them to do. they did what they wanted and became lazy and wasteful. they proclaimed with their lips they loved God but their lives said otherwise.

this penetrated my heart because it is the current state of the american church. we talk about being on fire but our lives exist in a bubble. we think we have a choice when it comes to being obedient and in a sense we do but when we don't....things fall apart..life becomes....

chaos

white noise

we think that by believing our lives will be perfect and that's all there is to it. the book of haggai uses this phrase and only this phrase "God will be with you". he didn't say the famine would end. he didn't say things are going to get better...He said..."I am with you."

the truth is God doesn't promise us anything in His covenant other than that. He sent Jesus.

is the american church really willing to let that be enough? no matter what. there are no guarentees on anything else. just Him. are we willing to let Jesus be enough. no promise of marraige. no promise of a job. just Him.

are we really ready?

am i.....

ready?

2008...What I Learned......

in 2008 i learned......

i can graduate college

sometimes you just can't make it on your own

God has something crazy planned for me

i have to start taking risks, chances, or i'm going to have other regrets

that i can lead worship better than i did a year ago

i may be down but i will rise; it may be dark but God is light

sometimes you have to faith and make decisions that most people think are crazy to honor God which is most important and always works out despite the odds

you can melt jello in the microwave

that i miss my beard

i would eventually like to move to a larger city

fighting for joy is much harder than fighting for happiness

irritable bowel syndrome is nothing to joke about

i love hockey...the washington caps to be precise

the washington redskins my suck this year...but it will come back around...eventually

that i still have a long way to go on this crazy journey called life

here's to 2009 and the curves it will throw.......