the beginning

i do not claim to be rescue for anyone. if you were drowning, i would be the last person you could possibly want saving you. i swim but not all that well, i can't hold my breath very long, and i tend to get very afraid in the ocean. the likelihood of a shark attack is very small but nonetheless i always feel as if i'm the next person in that very small percentage of people that actually gets bitten.

the truth is my life has been one interesting adventure to the next. i've moved more times than i can count and the number of taxing situations i've been in number the amount of pimples i had in high school (that is a very high number, ask my mom about it sometime).

i've always felt i've been searching for rescue. rescue from my tiring schedule, rescue from my past, rescue from my present, and rescue from the melancholiness i sometimes get for no reason. i've tried many forms of rescue. music, art, movies, pain pills, books, and relationships. it was the very definition of insanity. i would try the same things over and over to get a desired result when these attempts never got me anywhere the first time.

rescue was always there, i just wasn't looking where i should have been. i must confess at this point that i grew up in church. my mom was the church organist so i was in church 9 months before i even entered the world officially. i never remember a point where god was not in my life. however, as i got older god didn't resolve. the people i saw in church were political, out for themselves, and not wholly concerned with what i was taught life should revolve around. it wasn't until my senior year of high school when god started to resolve. i remember being in a room with people i barely knew, singing songs i had never heard, and feeling something start to stir in my soul. i remember falling to my knees as the tears poured down my face as i sang i wouldn't forget him, that he was my god and my king, and that i was thankful. almost seven years later i can still remember that moment as if it had happened the night before.

the remedy to pain was, is, and will be here.

i used to think rescue is coming, but that was before all this happened......